Need help with social fear?

Help for social fear is inside of you

Research has shown that one of the most powerful forms of help for people with social fear is exposure; meaning, putting oneself into situations where you are exposed to people.  I’m not entirely convinced this is the most productive way of working with social fear, even if it produces the most results.  I do think that group therapy can be a powerful tool for people with social fear, especially when the facilitation is sensitive to the issue.

Social fear seems to generally stem from the fear of exposure and rejection.  I’ve met a number of people who describe social fear as if nowhere is safe except their own home.  The safety factor isn’t necessarily always about physical safety either for people.  It is about the feeling of psychological safety.  For many, there is an underlying belief on an energetic level of the body that socializing equals the experience of complete annihilation.  So in a sense it feels almost like a life or death situation when meeting people.  The brain ends up freezing, because it is essentially preparing for a disaster of sorts.

Exposure would be one way to “push” through it.  Sometimes, that is helpful.  In general, it seems healthier to really learn about fear in the body, and increase the capacity of how much fear one can feel without freezing.  The process is somewhat hard to do at first, but relatively easy once you get the hang of it.  One of the best ways to increase the capacity to feel fear is to meditate on the sensations of fear in the body, and simply breathe while they are happening, disengaging with the thoughts that label the experience as bad, etc.  The power in fear is really just uncomfortable sensations.  Biologically the sensations are meant to help us detect danger and keep us alert.  However, we have all been programmed on some level to fear situations that aren’t threatening. So, in a sense, we need to change the programming of social fear.

One other way to increase the capacity to feel fear is to practice self-love.  Loving oneself goes a long way in the mind’s capacity to look at the places inside of us that are scary.  Practicing self-love might look like getting a massage regularly, or journaling about the fear, or getting in a hot tub to calm the nervous system down, or talking with someone close to you about the fear, etc.  Loving one self is probably one of the most powerful remedies to so many problems we all face.  And unfortunately, it is often difficult to do without a lot of practice.


“My work with Keith was profoundly eye opening. I had worked with other business coaches but he was the first one who was also a trained therapist. The knowledge and insight he offered met me in a very deep place to get honest about how I hold myself back and struggle to relate to my business. He spoke my language and even provided new language. I would continue working with Keith any chance I got and I highly recommend you try him as well!”

“Hiring Keith has provided tremendous value to my business. Although I have owned my business for 12 years, I had hit a low point. I was feeling unmotivated, my practice had shrunk, I was unsure whether to move onto a new career. Keith has provided me with incredible support, marketing and networking ideas and mostly importantly, a renewed passion. In the past 8 month, my practice has quadrupled. I highly recommend his coaching services.”

“I knew when I decided to go into private practice that I was going to need a lot of help, and I am so grateful to have worked with Keith as a business coach. With his guidance I was able to build a full and thriving practice in under one year. With patience, flexibility, compassion, and understanding, Keith helped me gain awareness of my resistance to business growth and how to move through the challenges. I can honestly say that without Keith’s knowledge and guidance, I would not be where I am today! Thank you Keith!”

“Keith has a remarkable ability to sense and shed light on the most important issues of a situation. He also has a refreshing humility, easily admitting when he doesn’t know something.  He is a deeply skilled and completely trustworthy guide/therapist/healer.”

“Keith lovingly and courageously shares his deep intuition, awareness, and wisdom with those around him.  His boldness in expressing his truth even when it’s difficult creates ripples of healing and wholeness.   Keith is a powerful psychotherapist and healer who is giving his potent gifts to our world.  I highly recommend working with this man.”

“Anchored in deep psychotherapeutic knowledge, intensive mindfulness training, somatic psychology skills and unconventional courage, Keith Kurlander is an exceptional therapist. I have experienced his true and unwavering embrace of darkness and light within the human psyche as both needed sides to one complex manifestation. I highly recommend Keith around any issues you feel alone in or confused by.”

“Over the past few years I’ve referred many college students to Keith for counseling services. Each student I’ve referred has returned to me with very similar reviews of him. They say that he was able to help them significantly improve their mental state, manage their emotions, decrease their anxiety and increase their overall well-being. Given the consistently positive feedback I’ve received, when I see a student in need of counseling, I do not hesitate to refer them to Keith.”

“Keith is, without a doubt, one of the most sensitive, courageous, and powerful therapists I know.  He has finely-tuned radar for seeing through the story, getting to the essence, and knowing what to do with it to serve his client’s awareness and growth.”

“Keith’s compassionate and gentle nature, coupled with an endless curiosity and piercing insight, are just some of the gifts he brings to his work with clients. Through his trusted intuition and skills in mindfulness and somatic therapies, he is able to skillfully guide one to their inner truth, cutting through the stories and helping to experience what is real in the moment. As both friend and colleague, I’ve had the opportunity to witness Keith’s power in facilitating healing and transformation - I recommend him with great enthusiasm.”

“Keith Kurlander embodies transformation and is helping envision a new paradigm of healing and personal growth. He is a deep friend and an extremely talented therapist who is willing to go well beyond conventional means to help people find wholeness. Keith’s relentless self-exploration gives him all the more credibility to serve others in a genuine way.”

“Having sat in many close circles with Keith for many years, I feel a deep trust and respect for the kind of love and insightful connection to others that he embodies. His skillful ways of being sensitive yet direct, clear yet humble, and gentle yet powerful creates a cauldron of integration and transformation for those willing to explore their edges with him by their side.”


Share This

Please call or text 303-358-6259 or email keithkurlander@gmail.com for your free 15-minute consultation or to setup your first session.